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DeadBrain Time Machine Reveals Blame Placement in 9/11 Commission Report

The findings in the September Eleventh Commission Report are controversial.

The Commission places all blame for the events of September 11th, 2001 squarely on the shoulders of President Harry S. Truman. The Commission Report says, "We find that the Truman Administration was short-sighted in its dealings with Saudi Arabia. The Administration should have known that Osama bin Laden would be born, and should also have known that Islamic extremism would be a problem for future generations of Americans."

The Commission called Truman's Secretary of State, George Marshall, but he was unable to testify, due to the fact that he's dead. "We find that the fact that all of the members of Truman's cabinet are dead shows they are trying to hide facts from this Commission," continued the report.

"Marshall, Defense Secretary James Forrestal, and Attorney General Francis Biddle are all complicit with Truman in allowing this threat to fall on America's doorstep, and are all a part of the same conspiracy of dying," the Report stated. "The Commission also believes that J. Edgar Hoover's FBI failed to gather information on the possibility that a child born after the Administration's term could grow to become a threat."

President Bush is reportedly happy with the findings. "If that's what they found, then that's that," said the President.

Commission members Jamie Gorelick and Richard Ben-Veniste released a statement following the report stating, "Harry Truman was grossly negligent in dealing with the threat of terrorism. Instead of the Berlin Airlift, and the Fair Deal, he should have created a counter-intelligence program vis a vis terrorism." Fellow Commissioner Tim Roemer added, "The buck does, indeed, stop with President Truman."

Not lost on President Bush is the fact that Truman was a Democrat. "It's like I've said all along…the Democratic Party is soft on terror, and this is the proof."

Presidential candidate Senator John Kerry called the statement "ludicrous."

Harry Truman could not be reached for comment.

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