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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Donald Rumsfeld |
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| You are disappointed to see: Home > Politics | November 21st |
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 And Now, a Public Service Announcement from George Bush's Left Ear CartilageJun 17 2004 by George Bush's Left Ear Cartilage
In the Fair and Balanced spirit of Fox News, DeadBrain is pleased to provide the other side of a recent discourse in the body politic.Hello. I am the left ear cartilage of George W. Bush. You may know me from some of George's best speechifying, because he favors my side of his head when nodding for emphasis. I've also been prominently featured in political cartoons across this great land of ours. Now I've been hearing some strange things coming from John Kerry's Hair. Hearing! That's a great joke. I love word play. I provide comfortable acoustics for Mr. Bush's brain, but I digress. This hair of Kerry's is too nostalgic for my tastes. We're in the middle of a war, damnit! A war without borders, without rules, without umpires. John Kerry's Hair can't go back to the innocent days of Vietnam, and we can't afford to let that hair drag the nation back there either. You couldn't even get good cocaine back in those days. I've been there for George throughout this crusade. Forget I said "crusade," though. It's not really a crusade, no matter what that monkey-fondler Bob Woodward reports in his books. George tugs on me during the Cabinet meetings, when everyone's jabbering about things he doesn't understand. Sometimes I think he's trying to pull open his eardrum canal even further, hoping to make some sense of it all. Never works, but at least I'm comforting him. My close personal friends, the lobes, weren't sure I should go public with these musings. But it's not like I'm his nostrils, for Heaven's sake. They could leak some stories, let me tell you! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to accompany Mr. Bush to the White House movie theater, where he'll be enjoying Garfield: The Movie for the third time this week. The larynx isn't really up for it - he's already strained from George's laughter at the previous viewings - but like George says, "United We Stand, Divided Is Better, Long Division Is a Real Bitch Without a Calculator." Thank you, and God Bless America. Related Articles And Now, a Public Service Announcement from George Bush's Left Ear Cartilage Jun 17 2004
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