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| You just walked into: Home > Politics | February 10th |
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 Old Dog Karl Rove Getting Up to New Trick - HypnotismJul 4 2004 by Jim Bauman
Kerry received rousing welcoming applause, until he mentioned the words "George Bush." In unison, the big crowd said in a droning, monotone voice, "George Bush is a wonderful man. He's our God-anointed, God-appointed Father leader. He protects us from the terror of Islamic fundamentalists, environmentalists, liberals, and gay marriage. His enemies are my enemies..." Luckily our reporter, while there, ran into Professor Gotcha, renowned hunter of Political Dirty Tricksters. The professor elucidated, "I was afraid of this. Dark Lord Karl Rove, Bush's chief strategist, hired some savvy snakes at Scott Howell & Co., the Dallas-based advertising agency to devise and carry out a diabolical plot. "This advertising agency is the same one that in 2002 ran sleazy, slimy commercials showing photos of Senator Max Cleland (D-GA) right next to Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Cleland had served with distinction six years in Congress, and was a war hero who lost both legs and an arm in Vietnam - a fact! "Howell's agency bribed a MoveOn official and stole MoveOn's email membership list. The agency sent out fake MoveOn emails with the title, 'An Important Message from John Kerry - click here!' When the recipients clicked, a pinwheel-illusion executable ran, but with an extra twist. "The illusion was accompanied by the seductive, smarmy, silky-smooth voice of Pat Robertson, famous 'out-there beyond the planet Pluto' TV evangelist, mouthing the exact words you just heard from this MoveOn crowd! "All these people are victims of a political computer virus. They've become hypnotized right-wing nuts, robots, zombies, dummies, pawns, trolls, slugs, protozoans--" At this point, our helpful reporter gave the good professor a jab in the ribs to make him stop. "You think this computer trick's dirty?" Gotcha added. "Before this, Rove hired a Haitian voodoo priestess who smeared chicken guts over postcards with Kerry's portrait and mailed the cards out to horrified Democratic voters. Now, that's a really filthy, dirty trick!" Related Articles Nader Rejects Cookie Monster's Plea Jun 26 2004
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And Now, a Public Service Announcement from John Kerry's Hair
Jun 7 2004
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