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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Jon Stewart |
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| You are happy to see: Home > Politics | July 25th |
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 Democratic Convention Coverage: Satire Guild President's Monday AnalysisJul 27 2004 by Allen Voivod
Douglass Ramssmullett, president of the International Satirists Guild and Norwegian citizen, provides his analysis of the Democratic National Convention for DeadBrain.I have sat through a full day of your democratic processes, and after all the blathering and hot air burning all the ozone layer holes, allow me to summarize: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRING! And now I shall elaborate. Truly, why in Isengard's name do they bother you with this nonsense? You Americans kid yourselves into thinking you are capitalists, but what kind of ruling system blows this kind of money through the people's holes just to feed the bollingmoer? Socialism, I tell you! Al Gore could have merited an extension of honorary membership in the Guild, as he had some amusing satirical remarks about his 2000 plight. But THEN, to my dismay, I heard from a reporter that Bruce Vilanch was writing jokes for Gore. Oh, how I despise that forpulte hestkuk, that want-to-be Tolkien hobbit with the shaven rasshøl. To conspire with him, I will never let Gore in the Guild, never! But I am not wishing to be negative. It is hard to be negative if you are a satirist like I. I who have admired this country for many years, much the same way I admired the boy Dagfinnr Halvardsen. He beat the intestines out of me for wearing a hand-knitted sweater vest, in what would be your third grade or so. He used the thread to bind me and then suffocated salmon in my armpits. I never thought I'd appreciate the Music Television station, but their essay contest winner had the best speech of the evening. Short, sweet and through you in an instant, like the best Norwegian cuisine. Though I did want to smack the pious little virgin with a jumbo herring. And Hillary Clinton was the champion of the evening. She is the prize catch of all! She would beat you with the lash and take her pleasure from you in the bedroom, then cast you down to fulfill your dirty needs with the lower classes. Breathtaking woman. I look forward to reporting on Tuesday's events! Related Articles Satire Guild President Gives Exclusive Coverage of the Democratic National Convention to DeadBrain.com Jul 26 2004 A Profile of Douglass Ramssmullett, 183rd President of the International Satirists Guild
Jul 24 2004
The International Satirists Guild: A Brief History
Jul 24 2004
Secret US Court Lifts Gag Order on DeadBrain, Saddam's Diaries
Apr 20 2004
Bush Finally Flips, Satirizes Self on National TV
Apr 1 2004
Paul Newman Elected to Satirists Guild for Fox News MockeryAug 21 2003
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