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| You are crouching next to: Home > Politics | November 21st |
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 Bush Targets Lunatic VoteAug 10 2004 by Queenslander
Normally forbidden to vote in State and Federal elections, 25,000,000 inmates of mental institutions have been granted an obscure and temporary constitutional right to vote that can only be granted by an incumbent president. After weeks of painstaking research by his campaign team, the little known law was uncovered and as the Administration is bent on retaining power at any cost, George Bush used his authority to enable the intellectually challenged among us to cast their ballots come Election Day. Vice President Cheney congratulated Bush on "having the foresight, courage and humanity to enact the law," and is actively making contingency plans to bus inmates from safe Republican areas into marginal electorates should their opinion pollsters deem it expedient. Donald Rumsfeld has been instructed to recall thousands of troop carriers from Iraq and Afghanistan, should it become necessary to utilize them for mass transportation of inmates on Election Day. The President has also offered Air Force One for any last minute emergency vote-rigging, as it is equipped with a secure padded cell and the necessary straight jackets, which apparently were installed originally to restrain Richard Nixon and have remained unused since the last days of Bill Clinton, when he and Monica Lewinsky gave it a working over. When the Kerry campaign got to hear of this, they said, "Well we all know you'd have to be off your rocker to cast a vote for Bush this time around, so we will retaliate by targeting prisons, illegal immigrants and institutions for the criminally insane." As a last resort, they indicated they may consider talking to the 100,000,000 voters who stayed at home during the 2000 election. Related Articles Democrats: GOP Silenced Rick James to Prevent Kerry Endorsement Aug 11 2004
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Aug 10 2004
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Aug 9 2004
Sunday Mystery: Three Davenport, Iowa Robberies Solved!
Aug 8 2004
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