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| You feel threatened by: Home > Politics | September 3rd |
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 The "Not Very Swift" TV CommercialAug 29 2004 by Jim Bauman
First off, I don't know why they changed our group's name in the commercial. Our true name is the "Not-So-Swift Boat Veterans." We worked on dredge boats. We'd scoop out mud, silt, and branches - widen and deepen the rivers. Our boats were lumbering, sluggish barges. Months ago we received an invitation to record our Vietnam War experiences in a documentary film. We all agreed to go, even though we thought there'd not be much for us to say. Our work during the war was mostly boring, routine, and dirty. When filming began, the director yelled, "Sound check! Sound check! Lieutenant Commander Letson, please say, 'I know that John Kerry is lying about his first Purple Heart, because I treated him for that injury.'" All the guys laughed! Letson repeated the words exactly, and the director yelled, "Cut! Print!" Next, the director said to Al French, an Ensign, "During the war, I heard that John Kerry said that he cut a 45 RPM record on which he impersonated Buddy Holly, the famous rock-and-roller, and the record was popular with Navy personnel." French smiled and chuckled, and said, "He is lying about his record." Again, the director yelled, "Cut! Print!" After that, on the set, I saw a man in a full-length black hood, who looked like the grimmest of all Reapers. I asked a buddy of mine, "Who's that?" He said, "Shush! That's Karl Rove, Bush's chief strategist." I said, "Look at that creep. It's a little early for Halloween, ain't it?" Well, the boogeyman man overheard me, because he motioned wildly to the director, and they hustled me into a small room and said they had enough film footage and thank you very much. I got the bum's rush - they escorted me off the set. And now that the commercial has aired, my buddies are insufferable. They act like big shots and pompous anti-Kerry performance analysts. Related Articles Unprecedented Survey Result: 100% Would Vote for Bush Aug 23 2004
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Aug 16 2004
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Aug 16 2004
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