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  You feel threatened by: Home > PoliticsNovember 21st 
  Election 2004

Bush-Cheney '04 Holds McCain's Family at "Undisclosed Location"

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Who else do YOU think has been sent to an "undisclosed location"?
Rudy Giuliani's mistresses
Zell Miller's formerly conjoined twin
Secretary of Education Rod Paige's entire race
A one-time Bush-Cheney campaign aide is claiming that her former bosses were able to gain the support of Arizona Senator John McCain by holding members of his family in an "undisclosed location."

For weeks, political pundits have marveled at the Arizona Republican's ability to ignore the past and support George W. Bush in the presidential race, even agreeing to speak at the GOP convention on Monday night. Now, that support appears to be coerced.

According to the aide, McCain's wife, two of his children, a grandchild, and a terribly cute kitten were "taken into custody" by Bush-Cheney representatives after he informed the president that he was planning to support Democratic Senator John Kerry.

"They don't take no for an answer," the anonymous aide revealed to DeadBrain before fleeing the country. "When McCain didn't succumb to political pressure, they started gathering up his family."

The tactic appears to have been successful - so far. McCain has campaigned with Bush, going so far as to embrace and kiss the President during one much publicized rally.

Observers, however, claim that McCain may not be doing everything the president is asking of him. McCain has not, for example, been willing to slur or lie about Bush's opponent in the way that some fellow Vietnam veterans have.

The aide also claimed that, after denouncing the Swift Boat for Truth ads in which Vietnam veterans indict Kerry with a dizzying array of contradictory tales apparently resurrected from repressed memories, McCain was sent photos of Vice President Cheney dancing with his wife.

"She was visibly distraught," the aide said.

"McCain became successful enough and wealthy enough to afford therapy," explained political commentator Patrick Buchanan, "so money wasn't really the incentive for him that it's been for the Swift Boat crew, so they've just had to take a new approach." Buchanan added that "If he were serious about winning, Kerry would do the same thing."

The Kerry-Edwards campaign released a statement following Buchanan's comments, saying that "they have taken the issue under advisement and have a very interesting kidnapping planned," that they promise will "energize the campaign."

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