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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Donald Rumsfeld |
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| You are disappointed to see: Home > Politics | September 8th |
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 "Stoned Guy" Reports on Tuesday's Republican Convention EventsSep 1 2004 by Stoned Guy
In light of the mysterious disappearance of International Satirists Guild President Douglass Ramssmullett at the conclusion of his Democratic Convention coverage, DeadBrain has convinced "Stoned Guy," our analyst for President Bush's 2004 State of the Union Address, to provide a review of Tuesday's events at the Republican National Convention.I woke up with this gnarly taste in the back of my throat, and it took like an hour to get it out, and then I was late for work at the cafeteria, and my boss was like, "I'm gonna fire you if you're late again, and I was like, "You can't fire me, I'm a reporter now, and I'll report you to someone!" and he was like, "Start washing those dishes!" Man, this morning sucked. So I got home and got baked and stared at my lava lamp collection for, like, ever. I got sixteen of them, all over my room, so if I can't deal with one of them, I just check out another one. And then I remembered about checkin' out the big party thing again, so I flipped on the tube. Dude, I don't know WHAT these people are talkin' about! It's just, "Blah blah blah this," and "Waa waa waa that." And the crowd is still awake! They must be poppin' some Blue Mollies or Blasting Caps or somethin', 'cause man, I don't know how they do it. Then the Terminator comes on, and they've got the flag waving behind him, and I'm like, "Hey, that's just like a lava lamp!" And I'm trippin' on that! And then I'm like, "Oh yeah, dude, the Terminator was a total juicehead back in the day! He knows what's up!" Then that Jenna Bush - she's a butter face, but I'd hit it, dude, you know? I mean, I'd pretty much hit anything...except her Mom, man, she's never gonna be a MILF. Anyway, it woulda been awesome if Jenna'd said, "Hey Dad, this is for embarrassing me!" and dropped her Janet Jacksons right on to the...the...that box thing they're standin' at. WAAA-PSHOOO! All right, dudes...catch ya tomorrow! Related Articles Loathing Laura: America Turns on Its First Lady - Part 2 Sep 1 2004
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Aug 31 2004
Freedom Ferret Haiku Strips: Republican Convention, Day 1 of 4
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Loathing Laura: America Turns on Its First Lady - Part 1
Aug 31 2004
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Aug 30 2004
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