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| You don't remotely resemble: Home > Politics | September 7th |
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 Loathing Laura: America Turns on Its First Lady - Part 3Sep 2 2004 by John Hetherington
In fact, some of George Bush's biggest supporters are hoping to rid Washington of Laura Bush - to make room for themselves. "He doesn't need some demure little flower to talk about how to pick out the right china pattern with Diane Sawyer. He needs someone who can stand alongside him on the front line, kicking terrorist ass," said Helga Thromblin. A former mercenary and professional wrestler, Helga possesses the physical prowess to combat terrorists with the President and the ability to tend to his "robust lusty needs." Thromblin isn't alone. A veritable militia of oversexed, physically-fit women has emerged, eager to take the First Lady's place. Some have stuck to tried-and-true approaches to wooing the President away from Mrs. Bush. "I follow him to various public appearances and throw my panties," confessed Tawny Trickleton, describing an approach she learned while pursuing Tom Jones. "There's really just something a successful man can't resist about having a strange woman's unmentionables tossed at him." Some admirers have opted to keep their underwear on - until they get an executive order to do otherwise. "Oh no, I'm not chasing him. I'm just turning in every person I see who doesn't look like one of us to the Department of Homeland Security. I know the President is going to learn of my efforts and reward me in that very special way," claimed Pamela Montel. Come November, Bush's greatest liability may not be an economy that would make Herbert Hoover wince, or a war based on lies, but his own wife. From those who feel she's "a Martha Stewart who reads to children periodically," to the lives she's destroyed and the romantic dreams she's squashed, Laura Bush has alienated a major segment of the American population. With the odds now stacked against him in this election, George W. Bush may just have to rely upon his wits. Related Articles "Stoned Guy" Reports on Tuesday's Republican Convention Events Sep 1 2004
Loathing Laura: America Turns on Its First Lady - Part 2
Sep 1 2004
Freedom Ferret Haiku Strips: Republican Convention, Day 2 of 4
Sep 1 2004
"Stoned Guy" Reports on Monday's Republican Convention Events
Aug 31 2004
Freedom Ferret Haiku Strips: Republican Convention, Day 1 of 4
Aug 31 2004
Loathing Laura: America Turns on Its First Lady - Part 1
Aug 31 2004
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