Liberal Media Manipulated GOP Demographics During Bush Convention Speech, Analysis Proves

During President Bush's acceptance speech at the Republican Convention, DeadBrain's stand-in political analyst Stoned Guy observed that the close-ups of audience members demonstrated surprising racial and gender diversity, especially for a Republican audience. We reviewed the footage of NBC's coverage to evaluate Stoned Guy's claims. After compiling the data, we made this shocking discovery:





Though our intern in charge of compiling the data didn't bother to keep track of the stats for the first ten minutes of the speech footage, she eventually noticed the pattern as well, and started taking copious notes. Again, the results were mind-boggling:





Our graphics department decided to experiment with some of the lesser known representations of visual data. After a heated discussion in which an entire glazed ham was hurled across a conference table the long way, a favorite emerged:





We think the results speak for themselves, but just in case we're just hearing things again, we've appended the intern's raw data for other media scholars to review.


Key
Chick = One Main White Female
Chicks = Two or More White Females
WM = One Main White Male
WMs = Two or More White Males
Veteran(s) = Qualified White Male(s)
All other people featured in camera close-ups are described accordingly

[Arbitrary starting point, approximately ten minutes into GW's speech]

Chick (3X)
Veteran
Boy & Black Male
Chick (2X)
Chicks
Chick
Asian Chick
WM sporting "Cal" button (for the ultra-liberal university Cal Berkeley)
Boy
Chick (3X)
Male of questionable race
Chicks
WM
Old WM
Chicks
Chick (2X)
Really Old Chick
Chick (2X)
Old Chick
Chick (2X)
Chicks
Black Male
Black Chicks
Bush's Family with "Best of Motown" look-alikes behind them
Chick (2X)
WM
Chick
Chicks
Chick
Latino Male
Chick
Hawaiian Male
Male of questionable race
WM
Fat WM in loud yellow shirt and baseball cap waving American flag (an ill-fashioned version of the Republican stereotype. Finally!)
Chick
Old Chick
Old WM
Black Chick
Chick
Black Male
Scary WM in expensive suit (the poster child for the Republican stereotype)
Chick
Asian Male
Chicks
Prematurely bald WM
Black Chick
Chick
WM
Black Male
White Heterosexual Couple
WM's nostrils (aka accidentally severe close-up)
White Heterosexual Couple
Black Male
Chick in UNBELIEVABLY GAUDY US-flag sequined blazer
Chicks
Chick (2X)
Chicks
Unsmiling gaggle of WMs
Bush's Family with "Best of Motown" look-alikes behind them
WM, with immediate pull-back to include accompanying Chick
Chick w/ Baby
Chicks
Chick w/ Baby
WM (2X)
WMs
Interracial Couple (Gasp!)
WMs
WM
Chicks
Dad w/ Kid
WM
Chick
Unusually smug WM
Chick
WM
Aesthetically-challenged Chick
White Heterosexual Couple, laughing heartily
Black Male
Chick
WMs
Chick
Veteran
Chick
Frat Boys
Black Male
White Couple
WM
Old WM
Old Chick
Male of questionable race who resembled Fat Albert
Chick w/ Veterans
Non-White Male (2X)
Bush's Family with "Best of Motown" look-alikes behind them
Chick
Chicks
Chick w/ Black Male
WM
Chick
WM (2X)
Black Couple
Chick
WM dressed as Abe Lincoln
Old White Couple
WMs
Chick
News Crew
White Couple (2X)
Chicks
Rudy Giuliani (thus commencing the significant portion of the 9/11 material)
Cheesehead WM
Rudy Giuliani
Black Chick
Chick
WM
Chick
Rudy Giuliani
Bald WM
WM
Chick (2X)
Closeted Homosexual WM
Chick
WM
WM w/ Baby
WM

[At this point in the show, there was a disturbance in the crowd. It appeared that an angry Chick—who would later be labeled "a heckler"—was being forcibly escorted out of the Convention.]

Chicks
Chick
GW winks ;)
Veterans
Interracial Family (Zoinks!)
Chick
White Couple
WMs
Obvious camera-panning for Chicks

[Another person is escorted out for said heckling.]

Chick
Asian Chick
Condoleezza Rice
Bush's Family with "Best of Motown" look-alikes behind them
White Couple
Chick
WM
WM wearing Cat-in-the-Hat-inspired flag hat and matching shirt
Chick
OLD--and I mean OLD White Couple
Chick
WM
Photographers
Chick
WM (2X)
Chick
Latino Male wearing "Viva Bush" hat
WM
Veteran (2X)
WMs
WM
White Couple
Chicks
Chick (3X)
Old White Couple
White Couple
Bush's Family with "Best of Motown" look-alikes behind them
Chick
Asian Chick
WM, then quick pan to Veteran
WM (2X)
Young WM, freakishly resembling Damian the Omen
WM
Chick
WM
Chick (2X)
Chicks
White Couple
Black Male
Chicks
Old Chick
Black Chick
Veteran
Chick
Chicks who hail Wal-Mart as a prime fashion destination and who love myriad types of cheese-based casseroles
Chick
WM
Chick (2X)
Non-White Male
Chicks
Chick
Black Male
WM w/ beard
Non-White Male (possible repeat of preceding Non-White Male?)
Chick
WMs
Sexually-Ambiguous WM
Chick (2X)
WM
Black Chick
Chick (4X)
Condoleezza Rice
White Couple
Chick
Veteran
Chicks sporting cowboy hats
Asian Chick
WM
Rudy Giuliani
WM
Chick (3X)
WM
Rudy Giuliani
Non-White Chicks
Chick
Rudy Giuliani (2X)
Chick (2X)
Young Girl
Chick (2X)
WM
WMs
Non-White Chick

GWB concludes speech, First Lady Laura comes into frame to give her man a great big smooch while images of fireworks explode on the media screen behind them. Jesus, there had to be at least twice as many white chicks onscreen, compared to the stodgy old white dudes. AS IF!

I can't believe the stupid jobs these DeadBrain people give me to do. Better call Dirk to see if I can get back in the club and dance a couple nights a week. (Don't let him talk you into doing outcalls again!)

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