Ralph Nader Becomes "Ralphie Nizzle the Corvair Slayer" to Attract Black Vote

In order to reach a new, untapped source of voters, Ralph Nader has become a part of the underground freestyle rap community.

Rapping under the name of Ralphie Nizzle the Corvair Slayer, Nader has become a heavyweight among freestyle rappers. "Yo, he's tight", said another rapper, MC Cool Breeze. "He really brings the heezee from a different level, yo."

Dressed in a baggy suit, jaunty Kangol cap and Puma sneakers, Nader appeared on stage at a show in the Red Hook section of Brooklyn. The crowd initially didn't know how to react to the older white man on stage. As soon as he began his routine, the crowd was won over.

"Yo, when he said that part about, 'November oh-four with your approval/we can make sure there's a Bush removal' I was like, word," said audience member Keisha Williams. Her friend Alexandra McCreedy said, "I liked it when he said, 'Dismiss this with quickness/bring an end to the Iraqi sickness'. My cousin is in Iraq, and I think the war was a bad idea. I think I'm gonna vote for Nader, yo!"

When the winner of the night's contest was announced as Ralphie Nizzle, the crowd erupted in cheers. Nader promised to use the ,000 prize money to "Fight suckas everywhere. Word!" He then struck his illest b-boy stance.

Backstage, Nader was not surprised at his popularity. "This is a group of people who have only been given token representation by the Democratic Party. What they want is someone who speaks their language, who knows how they live. I came here to show them that I am that man."

Other candidates feel differently. Reached in his Presidential Armored Mega-Tour Bus, President Bush said, "What's he doing now? Rapping?" The President then laughed for two minutes.

Senator John Kerry denied that he is changing his tactics to mirror those of Nader's, but we did witness him at an Austin, Texas coffee shop warming up for his performance at a slam poetry night.

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