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| You don't remotely resemble: Home > Politics | July 4th |
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 Bush: I'll Adopt Kerry's Iraq Plan, No Need to Vote for Him NowSep 30 2004 by Phinneas Zoquo
The 180-degree change in foreign policy was announced as part of a speech in front of yet another group of National Guardsmen - this time in Cincinnati. "I'm finally willing to admit that my Democratic opponent has conceived a far superior strategy in Iraq; one which up until now I've been too stubborn to even consider as an option," Bush told the bewildered pseudo-military personnel. "Had it not been for my mammoth '#2' in the Cincinnati Denny's, I never would have known how sound a plan it was. Luckily, Condi left the front section of yesterday's USA Today in the stall after she dropped deuce." Brought on by a mid-Air Force One-flight burrito earlier that day, the bowel movement may have set the political tone for the next four years. "Between wipes, I kept thinking: wow, that guy's gooooood," Bush said. "I wish my people would tell me to do something like that. And then it hit me..." White House Spokesperson Scott McClellan further elaborated on Bush's revelation: "The President has seen the error of his ways, and how his lack of diplomacy has cost the lives of thousands of people worldwide. Simply put, he admits he was wrong, and promises that his second term's foreign policy will be governed as though John Kerry was calling the shots...the only difference, of course, being that you'll have a much better chance of living for the whole four years with a vote for Bush/Cheney." Reached for comment, the Reverend Al Sharpton said, "He said what?! Damn. Umm, I guess he's got my vote, then." When told of Bush's revelation by none other than this reporter, a stunned John Kerry began to visibly perspire and eventually mumbled something about health care and purple hearts. Related Articles NBC Contemplates Airing Condoleezza Rice Diary Sep 27 2004
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Sep 11 2004
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