 |
|
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Martha Stewart |
|
 |
|
| You are staring at: Home > Politics | October 10th |
| |
|
 A Wooden Presidential DebateOct 9 2004 by Jim Bauman
Bob Threadmill, our DeadBrain reporter at the second Bush-Kerry debate, brings us the latest...Bob: "I'm here with Kitty Kelley, author of The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty, to present this oral battle for the Presidency. "Minutes before the debate was to begin, George Bush called in sick. As set forth in the debate contract between the candidates, the 'Andy Rooney Rule' immediately went into effect - John Kerry was allowed to pick a substitute for Bush. Surprisingly, he chose a large, round, wooden fence post. What do you think of that, Kitty?" Kitty: "Well, Bob, many people say George W. is as dumb as one. This could be a brilliant strategic move by Kerry." (The debate begins...) Kerry: "George Bush calls me a Waffle Maker [sic], but look at him! He just stands there, never shifting his position, never changing his stance, even after he receives new information. I'll give you an example. (Kerry now shouts.) Move, George, move! Carpenter ants are marching your way!" Post: Kerry: "Did you see that? Nada. Nothing. No movement! Now, talking about no movement, let's talk about a country where we've seen no progress towards peace and stability. Let's talk about Iraq! I'll show you who's digging us into an ever-deeper hole in the chaos of Iraq." (Kerry pulled a mechanical posthole digger from behind his podium, and pushed it toward the TV camera.) Kerry: "Here he is! It's Dick Cheney! He's the cavity maker. He's the one who's thrown us into the hole and tamped George W. Bush down upon us..." (One hour later...) Bob: "Kitty, what are your thoughts at the halfway mark? What do you think the average Joe or Joanna will think of this folderol?" Kitty: "Well, Bob, I'm afraid they'll see Kerry as over-talkative and rude. He never let his opponent get a word in edgewise. Also, many people will be impressed by his opponent's quiet eloquence and steadfast strength. Bush's numbers may climb even higher after this debate." (A heavy thud and rolling noise was heard.) Kitty: "Oh my God, the President fell!" Related Articles Opposing View: An Electrifying Vice-Presidential Debate Oct 6 2004
Erratic Dick Cheney Shocks Vice Presidential Debate Viewers
Oct 6 2004
North Korea Offers Nuke Talks, Cheerleaders
Oct 4 2004
DeadBrain's Top Ten Satire Headlines for the First Presidential Debate
Oct 1 2004
Bush: I'll Adopt Kerry's Iraq Plan, No Need to Vote for Him Now
Sep 30 2004
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |