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  You are lounging next to: Home > PoliticsOctober 11th 
  Election 2004

Bush Promises "Maternity Camps" for Amoral Women

George W. Bush used Wednesday's debate with John Kerry to introduce a variety of new initiatives that would take center stage in a second Bush Administration.

Chief among these is what the President called "maternity farms," sprawling ranches where misguided and amoral women will be allowed to "romp and play" as they prepare to give birth to unwanted children who will be sold at "a reasonable price to loving families."

According to Bush, the purpose of maternity farms is twofold. "They're gonna foster a culture of life, where life is valued, and they'll allow us to pay down the deficit."

The President will offer a tax incentive for those couples with incomes exceeding $200,000 who purchase children from the maternity farm, noting that "raising children is expensive."

Displaying his inability to put the interests of the American people above his own petty competition with the President, John Kerry immediately pooh-poohed the plan the way only an educated liberal could.

"What the President isn't telling you is that maternity farms - the ones with ample room for grazing and socialization - are only for the wealthy."

Kerry claimed that the nation's downtrodden pregnant would be sent to much less comfortable "maternity camps." "They'll be kept in small quarters and the only exercise they'll receive is when the 'camp counselors' force them to mud-wrestle."

According to Kerry, the children of these unfortunate wretches will be given to Halliburton, where they are raised by the company's day-care center and put to work at age five.

Although Kerry's claims may be accurate, they've provided Bush supporters with further ammunition that the Senator is just too interested in "facts" and "the truth" to effectively lead a nation engaged in a war with terror, obesity, less expensive drugs from Canada, and itself.

As CNN's Tucker Carlson explained, "Kerry wants to think everything through! Where will that get us? Are we going to give the babies of inner-city crack whores to Halliburton so that they can serve people who are better than them? Of course, but not if John Kerry has his thoughtful, pensive way about it!"

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