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| You feel threatened by: Home > Politics | October 10th |
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 Stuck on the Bus with BushOct 17 2004 by Jim Bauman
"Allen, I'm spent. I'm dried up. There's absolutely no intellectual stimulation on this pathetic buggy," whined reporter Bob Bob White in a phone conversation with Allen Voivod, DeadBrain's US Editor. Yet, in the end, Bob's pleas were to no avail. He's still on the bus...In Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Condi Rice, our driver, almost ran over Dick Cheney and his pet chimpanzee named Ronzo. Cheney's always been a big fan, and maybe the only one, of Ronald Reagan and his "Bedtime for Bonzo" movie. So Cheney had to have a monkey too. Ronzo's mischief has earned him the monikers "Mojo Jojo" (the evil monkey in the PowerPuff Girls cartoon) and "Mini-Him." Around the White House, Ronzo's infamous for repeatedly sneaking a comb from the pocket of Deputy Defense Secretary, Paul Wolfowitz, slathering it with spit, and then running it through the Secretary's hair. At one point, Lynne Cheney had it with all the kisses and cuddling that her husband had lavished on the primate. She had the chimp chimp-napped and flown toward the Baghdad Zoo, but the Dickster discovered her sanity-saving plan. He ordered the plane home, to everyone's disappointment. Condi lurched the political circus to a stop at a strip mall. I groaned. Bush jumped up and stood on the steps of the bus to address the small crowd. "Hello, Tuscaloosians! In looking over your fair cities, I remember a funny I read over the Internets, 'One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas, I don't know. Then, I tried to remove the tusks, but they were imbedded so firmly I couldn't budge them, however in Alabama the Tuscaloosa,' but that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about." Bush made a braying "Heee...heee...snick...snick..." sound. The crowd reacted with uncomfortable silence. Suddenly, the bus sprang forward and turned hard left. Bush spilled from the steps and fell to the pavement on his back. I looked up and spied Ronzo at the wheel. Bush stirred. "OW! This receiver, er medical device, er...I mean...my back...my back hurts like hell!" Related Articles Stuck on the Bus with Bush Oct 17 2004
Bush Promises "Maternity Camps" for Amoral Women
Oct 15 2004
Bush Makes Final Debate "All-Out Gag Fest"
Oct 14 2004
The Bush Camp Enlists Chicken Little to Help Get Out the Vote
Oct 13 2004
Kerry Uncaps Votes of Drinkers, Addicts
Oct 11 2004
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