 |
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Dick Cheney |
|
 |
|
| You are misplaced along with: Home > Politics | March 10th |
| |
|
 Prices of Heinz Ketchup and Other Condiments Falling in Battleground StatesOct 27 2004 by Elliott McMillan
Ohio resident and undecided voter Lois Parham was pleased. "We went to Wal-Mart to get some supplies, and noticed that Heinz tomato ketchup was two for one. The deal was too good to pass up. We bought two, but went home with four." Other shoppers took advantage of the offer as well. "I noticed that many other shoppers had several bottles. I'm glad I got there early, before they were all gone," continued Parham. Prices have also plunged in New Mexico, West Virginia, Florida and Wisconsin. In Wisconsin this week, a 32-ounce bottle of Heinz ketchup was only 75 cents. By an odd twist of fate, John Kerry has been campaigning in Wisconsin at the same time. Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie was disgusted by the move. "This is a clear attempt by the Kerry campaign to sway voters in these states. There's a code among politicians, and using a condiment as a weapon is dirty pool," said Gillespie. The people at ConAgra foods, the conglomerate that owns Hunt's Ketchup, aren't thrilled about it, either. "How are we supposed to compete with this?" asked ConAgra Foods chairman Fred Gallagher. They decided to "ride out" the price war, anticipating it will be over in a week. "We're prepared to take the one-week loss and continue forward." Gallagher added, "Hunt's will continue to bring quality ketchup at affordable prices." Reached for comment, representatives for Heinz said that the price drop is to "alleviate the financial burden of middle America," and that "there is no attempt to 'buy' any votes." They also pointed out that other products have lower prices, including Heinz Mustard and Heinz Relish. Teresa Heinz-Kerry, wife of Democratic candidate John Kerry and heiress to the Heinz fortune, said that the pricing has been "coincidental," and that this is just an attempt by the Republicans to attack her husband. Before walking away she quipped, "Maybe we should be like Bush's people and raise the price to $54 a barrel." Related Articles Ronald Reagan Reanimated for Election Push Oct 25 2004
Kerry Preemptively Declares Victory in Election 2004
Oct 23 2004
Cheneys Urge Lesbian Daughter to Attempt Suicide for Greater Good
Oct 21 2004
President Unveils Double-Headed Porn Czar
Oct 18 2004
Stuck on the Bus with Bush
Oct 17 2004
Bush Promises "Maternity Camps" for Amoral Women
Oct 15 2004
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |