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| You accidentally discovered: Home > Politics | October 10th |
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 Unusual Names Showing Up on Florida Absentee BallotsNov 1 2004 by Greg Kuhl
In fact, bin Laden said in his recent video that he voted 6,245 times for President George W. Bush and not at all for "that other guy - the tall, skinny one who wears the Red Sox hat." "It is very important for voters to participate in democracy," bin Laden said in an interview via satellite telephone from an undisclosed mountain location near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. "All right, all right, that's a crock. Dick Cheney and I brokered a deal through the Devil. "Dick told Satan that if I voted for President Bush many times, then they wouldn't even bother to look for me till after the elections," bin Laden said. "Pretty sweet deal, huh?" Red-faced Florida election officials blamed the voting snafu on four hurricanes that struck the state in recent months. "It's hard to keep track of voter rolls when the election building is rocketing down the street," said Jonas Bush, an election spokesman who is (wink, wink) no relation to President Bush or Florida Gov. Jeb Bush. "I know the Democrats are saying the fix is in again," Jonas Bush said. "But we're very sensitive about what happened here in 2000, and are determined to let it happen, er, not let it happen again." He could not explain how others - including Elton John, John Denver, Denver Pyle, Gomer Pyle, members of the long-defunct Plastic Ono Band and Kobe Bryant - have also voted by Florida absentee ballot. Kobe Bryant? "We know someone from the L.A. Lakers moved to Miami, we just can't remember who it was," Bush said. "We figured Kobe was just as good a guess as any. Hey, our election records got blown somewhere into the Carolinas." Meanwhile, according to bin Laden, voting in an American election in Florida has its benefits. "If President Bush wins," bin Laden said with a cackle, "I'm going to Disney World!" Related Articles On the Edge of Sanity, On the Bus with Bush Oct 30 2004
God Retracts Election Prophecy, Now Foresees Even Odds
Oct 29 2004
Prices of Heinz Ketchup and Other Condiments Falling in Battleground States
Oct 27 2004
Ronald Reagan Reanimated for Election Push
Oct 25 2004
Kerry Preemptively Declares Victory in Election 2004
Oct 23 2004
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