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| You have been drawn towards: Home > Politics | September 7th |
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 Thrown Off the Bus with BushNov 1 2004 by Jim Bauman
Before Bob Bob White was apprehended and escorted via black helicopter to Guantanamo Bay, he filed this amazingly lucid report. With just a couple days left in the campaign, we were a few blocks away from a Bush rally in a major city of a battleground state, when "pedal to the metal" Condi missed seeing the "No Entry" signs on a street, but did spot the Stinger spikes on the road. She hit the brakes hard, swerved, drove over the spikes, and swerved again. Most had their seat belts cinched-up (a requirement with Condi driving). While all this was happening, Bush was stepping out of the bathroom. He gave a yelp, flew backwards toward the toilet, and BAM! The bathroom door slammed shut. After the bus came to rest by hitting a fire hydrant, we retrieved a toilet-paper-covered Bush. In the luggage compartment, we found Nader sprawled under the Lazy Boy chair. Through almost-pursed lips, Nader said, "Condi is unsafe at any speed." Then he hobbled off into the sunset. We found Ronzo, Cheney's chimp, grabbing a box near Nader's reading lamp. I shooed him out. After walking ten blocks to the Bush rally, Bush began his standard, tiresome stump speech about how terrorists are nearer than we think. "My callow Americans, I'm sure that many of you are naively unaware that terrorists are here in America hiding behind garden shacks, garages, and outbuildings. They're livin' off the land by eating home-grown garden vegetables, scrapings from pizza cartons thrown in recycling bins, and sometimes home-cooked apple pies left warming on porch railings." Behind the President, Ronzo pulled light bulbs from a box and threw them on the pavement: POP!...POP!...POP! While ducking, Bush yelled, "Everybody get down! It's a terrorist attack!" Related Articles Unusual Names Showing Up on Florida Absentee Ballots Nov 1 2004
On the Edge of Sanity, On the Bus with Bush
Oct 30 2004
God Retracts Election Prophecy, Now Foresees Even Odds
Oct 29 2004
Prices of Heinz Ketchup and Other Condiments Falling in Battleground States
Oct 27 2004
Ronald Reagan Reanimated for Election Push
Oct 25 2004
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