"Bawing" Voter Protest Wiping - Err, Sweeping the Nation

American voters went to the polls yesterday re-electing George W. Bush as President for a second term. But despite garnering the majority vote, scandal has erupted for the second consecutive time, as a new form of protest emerged - a protest that was held not on the streets, but in the polling booths.

An unprecedented number of Americans chose to go to the polls not to vote for a candidate, but instead to vote for their rectums. They're calling it ballot ass wiping ('bawing') and it's a phenomenon that's sweeping across the nation, with over ten percent of the voting population opting for this new method.

Giovanni Colonna justified his decision to baw. "I don't see any point to voting anymore. On the one hand, we have a psychopathic idiot and on the other we have a two-faced horse face who'd probably be a psychopathic idiot once he got elected. It's like choosing between Coke and Pepsi. They're both gonna kill you, so I say 'eat my [expletive delete]'. Aside from all that, the biggest joke is that even if myself and the majority of the people vote for a particular candidate, it doesn't even mean that that person will get elected under our stupid voting system."

Director of Ballot Ass Wipers United (BAWU) Kevin Rogers [pictured] explained the surge in bawing. "The bawing phenomenon reflects the fact that the people have become disillusioned with the lack of democracy that our winner take all electoral system provides. Even if they were to vote, their votes aren't being counted so they just don't bother voting. Do you blame them?

"Bawing provides an answer for those who care about democracy. For those who still want to take part in the political process and perform their democratic duty. They're bawing as a protest to reform our antiquated electoral laws which favor corrupt politicians."

Click here for Part Two of this incredible story!

Related Articles
Worried and Depressed Over the Election? Here's a Celluloid Solution

Nov 14 2004

Freedom Ferret Comes Out of His GOP Re-Election Coma to Comment on the Party Animal President

Nov 9 2004

Sunday Religion Update: Bush Win Prompts Tears in Heaven

Nov 7 2004

A Menace to Democracy: Idiot Voters

Nov 6 2004

More on the "Bawing" Voter Protest Wiping - Err, Sweeping the Nation

Nov 5 2004

"Bawing" Voter Protest Wiping - Err, Sweeping the Nation

Nov 4 2004