 |
|
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Bill Clinton |
|
 |
|
| You have been disturbed by: Home > Politics | September 3rd |
| |
|
 Kerry Loss Being Blamed on Campaign Strategist Jon LovitzNov 4 2004 by Allen Voivod
With the most crucial election in our lifetimes now behind us, political pundits agree that the blame for John Kerry's loss to President George Bush lies squarely at the feet of Kerry's campaign strategist, Jon Lovitz.Lovitz came to the Democratic camp after "a chance encounter with Ann Coulter, who does a better Mephistopheles impression than I do. At least, I think it's an impression." This inspired Lovitz to apply some of his skills on behalf of the Democrats. He rose to prominence early within the Kerry camp, by masterminding the successful branding of Vermont governor Howard Dean as an unelectable liberal during the primaries. Kerry sealed that deal - and perhaps his election fate - with his infamous debate zinger, "Dean's a LIBERAL, yeah, and he…has sex with the cows, yeah, in the Vermont dairies, uh…the beautiful dairies of Montpelier, yeah, and he used mustard as a lubricant, too, yeah…that's the ticket." But it all went downhill from there. Despite Lovitz's coaching, voters didn't buy Kerry's assertion of hunting prowess, since he'd never applied for a hunting license; of completing the Boston marathon in three separate decades, because no corroborating record exists; and of not being an animatronic Abe Lincoln run amok. The effects of Lovitz's influence weren't truly realized in Democratic circles, however, until Kerry attempted to convince young voters during an MTV interview that he liked rap music. Off-camera, even Lovitz appeared shocked. Once the cameras had been turned off, Kerry turned to Lovitz and exclaimed, "I was merely ACTING!" "Brilliant!" Lovitz exclaimed, but it was far from it, as the election results and youth voter turnout levels indicate. And Democratic strategists and pundits, who enthusiastically jumped on the Lovitz bandwagon, are now questioning their judgment in light of Kerry's shocking loss. After Kerry's Faneuil Hall concession speech (in which Kerry croaked, "I just wanted to be loved. Is that so wrong?"), James Carville was seen smacking his bald pate with a fraternity paddle, and Crossfire co-host Paul Begala collapsed and cried out, "Is Jon Stewart right? Am I part of the problem? AM I?!" Related Articles DeadBrain Coverage of the Daily Show Coverage of Election Day 2004 – "Prelude to a Recount!" - Via Anagram, Limerick, Haiku, and Palindrome Nov 3 2004
Ralph Nader Ends Campaign by Attacking Netzero's "Candidate Zero" for Lying About Free Internet Access
Nov 2 2004
Election Malaise Hangs Over American Chapter of Satirists Guild
Nov 2 2004
Thousands of Canadian Seniors Protest Kerry's Drug Import Plan
Nov 2 2004
After High Explosives HMX and RDX Go Missing In Iraq, Bush Targets BMX Bikers
Nov 2 2004
Ten Reasons You Absolutely SHOULD NOT Vote in Tomorrow's Presidential Election
Nov 1 2004
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |