More on the "Bawing" Voter Protest Wiping - Err, Sweeping the Nation

Because it's such a new style of voting, the Federal Election Commission (FEC) doesn't track the number of bawed ballots. They do however track the number of spoiled ballots. A stunned FEC official remarked, "in your typical election no more than two percent of ballots are spoiled. In this election we got 10.7%, and that figure can only be explained by this new bawing thing."

"It's disgusting. Completely and utterly disgusting," was Ohio scrutineer Julie Butler's reaction to bawing. "We didn't know what to do when we saw these brown stained pieces of paper. At first we were dealing with them by using rubber gloves, but then we had to stop counting them due to the horrendous smell. We had to delay the count for over three hours until a nice gentleman from down the street brought us some gas masks to use.

"But then there was another problem. Since the bawed ballots got mixed in with the real ballots, the feces got smeared over all the ballots. Since we have to closely scrutinize each individual ballot, it became a really time consuming process. I wish people knew the procedure we have to go through when counting these ballots. Maybe then they won't do this foolishness."

When asked how he'd feel if bawing eventually caused election officials, including the FEC, to quit en masse and disrupt a future election, Director of Ballot Ass Wipers United (BAWU) Kevin Rogers [pictured] replied, "Achieving democracy has been a long and dangerous affair. Wars were fought and much blood was shed to bring us what we have today. We must embrace this fact and not stagnate. Putting up with a little bit of smell is nothing when the goal is achieving real democracy.

"Besides, if they all want to quit their jobs, that would be great. That means our job will be done, because the government will be forced to give Americans what the rest of the democratic world has and what we deserve - an electoral system based on proportional representation."

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