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| You are passing rapidly through: Home > Politics | November 21st |
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 A Menace to Democracy: Idiot VotersNov 6 2004 by Jim Bauman
DeadBrain reporter Ben Benito awoke at 4:00am on Election Day to ride along with the group Stop Obvious Stupidity (S.O.S.).Just outside the "No Campaigning Up to This Point" sign, S.O.S. set up a video camera aimed at a polling place entrance in the town of Withering, Wyoming. "We do a special type of exit poll outside of hundreds of polling places across the nation," said Frank Chiles, Western regional coordinator for S.O.S. "We simply ask voters who they voted for and why." Strolling towards us came a prim and proper middle-aged woman. She stared blankly into the camera and said in a singsong voice, "I voted for President Bush, because his wife's name is Laura, and my name is Laura." "Bingo!" said Frank. "Ma'am, would you please follow me into the polling place, I think there's been a mistake." The woman reluctantly trailed behind Frank. I asked Cameraman Bob what happens next. "He'll show the woman's video to the election judge, and explain that if she can't put together one short sentence regarding the political issues at stake as a reason for voting for one candidate versus another, then she should be unregistered. Frank usually wins unless he comes up against a Republican judge." Next, a skinny, awkward fellow stepped up to the camera. "I, uh, voted for Bush, because I had some similar experiences as him. I once choked on a pretzel - threw up bile for a week. Yeah, and I fell off a bike once and landed with my face pressed against a storm drain grate. Oh, jeepers, I had long, wide, red lines on my face for a week. I feel his pain, you know what I mean?" "Jackpot!" whispered Bob. Later, an unshaven, potbellied man with a big cigar glared at the camera. "I voted for Bush, because I don't like how Kerry's wife looks." "Full house!" declared Frank. Later that morning, Frank said that he received a call from a colleague outside the polling place in Crawford, Texas. "A hubristic man there said he voted for himself because he looks 'more presidential'." Related Articles More on the "Bawing" Voter Protest Wiping - Err, Sweeping the Nation Nov 5 2004
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