Capitol Hill Becomes Faith Hill

In a bold display of political power, George W. Bush proposed replacing the federal government with his newly created Church of America. "I figured why not just cut to the chase and abolish government. There's no need for politics when you have a strong Church leading the way."

President Bush, who now favors the title "Padre," announced his plans to join forces with multimillionaire televangelist Benny Hinn. "Benny was the ideal choice to join my ministry as Secretary of Preaching. He's a master of deception who can get his millions of followers to do anything he wants. With his skill we'll have no need to start a draft for the Iraq War."

Bush decided to spend his hard-earned political capital by moving the capital of the country to Jackson, Mississippi, due to their commanding 86% vote in favor of banning gay marriages. "The people of Mississippi are firm in their beliefs. That is a virtue I cherish and for that reason they are being rewarded."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld chimed in, "Since we're moving Capitol Hill to a hill in Mississippi, we figured what better way to get in the right frame of mind than name the hill after Mississippi's messenger of God, Faith Hill."

Dave Clarke, publicist of the world renowned country singer, was elated with the ministry's decision to rename Capitol Hill after her. "Faith's name will be enshrined in this holy land for all of eternity. She's finally getting the respect she deserves."

Reaction to Bush's latest plan is clearly divided. Those in the Bible camp applaud his decision to govern the country as a theocratic state. Devout Christian and proud American, Edgar Hess, believed that this movement would be so successful that it would reach well beyond the borders of America. "The people of the world will unite in hymn – God is great. America is the greatest."

Non-Bible Americans fear the oppressive regime that will undoubtedly emerge. "I'm a black Muslim lesbian," said Salah Mohamed. "America wasn't exactly smelling the roses before Bush. But now it's just Guns n' Moses. I don't stand a chance."