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Revealed: Hillary Clinton's Buffalo Faint Due to Acid Flashback
While speaking to 150 Democratic supporters at a private club, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton grew pale and began sweating profusely. After she had been helped to a chair, Clinton asked, "When do Crosby, Stills, and Nash come on?" Then she collapsed.
Within an hour Clinton's office issued a statement saying the Senator's "dizziness" had been caused by a stomach virus; but George Stephanopoulos, former advisor to Mrs. Clinton's co-president, Bill, challenged that explanation. "Everybody in the Clinton White House knew Hillary was prone to flashbacks," Stephanopoulos told DeadBrain. "That's why she made such a bollocks of health care reform - seldom showed up for meetings, couldn't remember anybody's name, laughed at things nobody else thought were funny. I always carried Thorazine whenever I was around her in those days."
Although Senator Clinton made no mention of youthful indiscretions in her lifeless autobiography, Living History, tales of her drug use are legendary at Wellesley. Muffy duPont, a member of Clinton's 1969 graduating class, recalled, "Hilly was tripping her brains out when she gave that graduation speech."
According to duPont, Clinton had written "a pretty straight this-is-not-an-end-but-a-beginning speech, but she couldn't read her notes, so she wound up dissing that poor Negro man (then Massachusetts Republican Senator Edward W. Brooke) who spoke right before she did."
Mrs. Clinton could not be reached for comment concerning Stephanopoulos' or duPont's allegations, but a member of Clinton's staff told reporters, "Even though Mrs. Clinton does not recall ever using drugs herself, she remains committed to treatment rather than incarceration for drug offenders."
In related news, former Senator Edward W. Brooke, who underwent a radical mastectomy three years ago, said he now regrets saying, "I've got bigger tits than that [expletive deleted]," after listening to Hillary Rodham describe him as "irrelevant" during her infamous Wellesley graduation speech.
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