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| You are drifting somewhere near: Home > Politics | November 21st |
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A Day and a Night of Horse Feathers and Animal Crackers in Duck SoupMar 15 2005 by Jim Bauman
Our DeadBrain Reporter recently observed President Bush and Vice-President Cheney posing again as Harpo and Chico Marx, respectively.Standing before a handpicked, fawning crowd, Harpo-Bush pulled a shawl from his long trench coat and began sewing it. "Hey, Wacky, I know you wanna talk-ah to these people about something important, right?" asked Chico-Cheney. Bush shook his head up and down. He held out his stitching and then the shawl again and again. "Oh, sew-shawl, sew-shawl...social?" asked Cheney. Bush nodded. "OK, social-ah what?" Bush drew a badge from his pocket and pinned it over his heart. Pulling a wooden truncheon from another pocket, he held it up, looked tough, and pointed to himself. "You a union-buster?" Bush shook his head back and forth. "OK, then you a bank dick...Iraqi guardsman?...a security guard?" Bush high-fived Cheney. "Security guard?" Bush nodded. Just after Cheney repeated the word "Security" again, Bush clapped his hand over Cheney's mouth. "Security...Social Security?" Sticking two middle fingers in his mouth, Bush whistled. "Social Security what? What about it?" Bush put his hands together and looked like he was giving a silent shout. "You shoutin' 'Fish, fresh fish'?...'Paper, get your paper here'?....No?....How about...Squeal?...Bellyache?...Cry?" Bush whistled. "Social Security cry? Hey, dat don't-ah make any sense." From under his coat, Bush extracted a large portrait of himself with freckles and long braids in a polka dot dress. "Is that your mother…strange uncle...sister?" Right after he said the first syllable of "sister," Bush punched Cheney's chest and made a scissors motion with his forefinger and middle finger. "Sis...sis...cry...sis...crysis...crisis?" Bush slapped Cheney on the back and smiled. "OK, OK, you want to talk about-ah Social Security crisis, right? But Wacky, two-thirds of the public believe there is no crisis." Suddenly, a stooped man with a broad, painted mustache, cigar, and a briefcase quickly strode over to Bush and Cheney. "It's Professor Alan Greenspansky!" announced Chico. "Hi boys! While watching you, I was reminded that I get more information more quickly from a bowl of alphabet soup...Speaking of dishes, where's Condi? Ah, she's a heady broth with a fine noodle. Meow! Hot-cha-chatta-cha!"
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