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  War on America

Cheney Lashes Out at Almost Everybody

Jun 3 2005 by Greg Kuhl

Vote now!

Do YOU think Cheney's getting senile?
Yes
No
Either way, he's the new "nuclear" option
Vice President Dick Cheney's lashing out at North Korea's leader and Amnesty International begs the question: Who's next in the surly veep's crosshairs?

"[Expletive deleted] Kim Jong-Si, or Song Sung Blue, or whatever his name is. And [expletive deleted] Amnesty International too. How does that bunch of England-based wussies get away with saying the US is committing human rights abuses at Guantanamo Bay? It's outrageous."

Cheney refused to apologize for his comments. "I'm just getting started. People might think it's an indication of me having a big mental breakdown or throwing a major-league hissy fit. But it's not. I'm as fit as a fiddle, mentally and physically.

"Sure, I have a hit list of sorts, people and things that deserve a good tongue-lashing, horse-whipping or whatever you want to call it." Among them:

  • Paris Hilton - "How on earth does that skank stay popular? The only thing going for her is her last name, which means tons of money, which is what we Republicans are, generally, all about."

  • Danica Patrick - "Sure, the kid did a superb job finishing fourth at the Indianapolis 500. But we can't have her getting any more popular. It'll take away from my overwhelming popularity. And there's no way that can be allowed."

  • Pope Benedict XVI - "Benny is my kind of guy, a former Hitler Youth, tough, no-nonsense, unyielding in his beliefs. In fact, if I ever became Pope, I'd want to be just like him. But what has he done since the initial hoopla when he took over? Nothing. He has to do something, anything, to stay in the spotlight. A good blast of criticism from me might work wonders."

  • Barry Bonds - "The guy's a total wimp, letting three knee surgeries and an infection keep him from playing baseball this year. Although I kinda like his defiant attitude toward the press."

  • President George W. Bush - "Just kidding. No way I'd have time to think about criticizing him. I'm too busy propping up his lame-duck self. I figure saying nasty things about the others will keep me in the spotlight long enough."


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