| |
Here Comes the Judge! Here Comes the Judge!
DeadBrain reporter Frank Further was in the U.S. Senate Chamber when Janice Rogers Brown, the most controversial of Bush's judicial picks, appeared to answer a few more questions before her big "up or down" vote. Here's his report.
Judge Brown was led into the Chamber by her attorney. The senators and the public gasped at her appearance. Wearing a white mask similar to the one that Hannibal Lector wore in Silence of the Lambs, she struggled against two heavy leather straps around her wrists that were held fast by her attorney.
Bill Frist, Senate Majority Leader, asked the attorney to remove the mask. Judge Brown immediately began speaking. "Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates, and our ability to control our destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege, war in the streets, and unapologetic expropriation of property, the precipitous decline of the rule of law, the rapid rise of corruption, the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit…."
Frist interrupted her and asked the Judge why she's so anti-government when she's "drawn a government salary for 24 years of her legal career."
At that, the Judge pulled violently at the leather straps, and her attorney's jaw was thrust against a wooden table top. He collapsed, and the Judge broke free of her bonds. Some people screamed, and a few senators headed toward the exits.
The Judge screeched, "The government is the bitch who offers the wealthy and privileged a shriveled, wasted teat, but gently and lovingly supplies a milk bath to the poor and lazy!" As her words became more bizarre, her speech more hostile and rapid, some senators slumped into a catatonic state. Some fell in the aisles, their bodies convulsing.
At one point, Frist began yodeling, reminiscent of the remedy employed in the movie Mars Attacks! Soon though, the Majority Leader swooned, and fell behind the podium.
Just as it appeared that all was lost, a desk phone thrown from the visitor's gallery by actor Russell Crowe grazed the Judge's skull, and stunned her long enough for security to subdue her.
Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
|
|
