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| You are happy to see: Home > Politics | March 11th |
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 In Election Surprise, Iraqis Choose Jennifer AnistonDec 21 2005 by Ross Bender
Aniston did well among Shiites, Kurds and Sunni men, Shiite soccer moms, minority Turkomens and even Assyrian Christians, who were expected to vote heavily for Pamela Anderson. Boris Johnson, who did well in Basra, was running a distant second. UN observers reported a surprising lack of violence in the run-up to the election, although there were some reports of high levels of Xanax in the water supply of major Iraqi cities. Man on the street Ahmed Chalabi-al-Wallabee commented: "Ever since I saw the picture on the cover of GQ, I knew she was the babe for me. Heh." Aniston's picture has been featured prominently in the Iraqi press for the past few months, although Pentagon sources denied that the American military had paid Iraqi journalists to plant favorable stories about the actress and perky teen heart-throb. The only hint of dissatisfaction with the election results came as the al-Mahdi Army of Muqtada Sadr Sadr Fo-Fadr Banana-banana Bo Badr blew up several McDonald's restaurants and an oil field in Najaf. A spokesman for Bo Badr said that while "Jen has a nice rack and a pleasing personality, all in all we would have preferred Angelina Jolie." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website! Related Articles Condi Visits Secret CIA Camps in Europe, Tells Brits to "Back Off" Dec 5 2005
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