| |
The Health Report: New Studies Indicate President Bush "Addicted to Secrecy"
A new study has emerged concerning a little known but common addiction - keeping secrets.
Addiction to secrecy is related to compulsive lying, as the two afflictions share many traits; however, addiction to secrecy has its roots in childhood trauma, with the individual usually continuing a behavior pattern that he or she was punished for, behaviors such as nail biting, bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or playing with feces.
Jack Barchas, M.D., the whistleblower concerning Tom Cruise's mental state and medications, is convinced that President Bush is addicted to secrecy.
"The classic signs are there," says Barchas.
"The fact that he rarely talks to the press, the evasive non-answers to specific questions, and most recently, this teether information suggests that President Bush was a thumb sucker as a child, and despite publicly announcing he uses a teether, I suspect it is a cover-up, that the man is still sucking his thumb."
An unnamed White House source confirmed Barchas's suspicions. "I put that teether on his bedside table every night, and in the morning it has not been moved, it's dry as a bone, while the President's right thumb is white and wrinkled, suggesting hours resting in saliva.
"Plus," the source added, "the President was having a fit in the Oval Office the other day, screaming about Dick Cheney talking to the press about the shooting. I heard him shout, 'It was a secret, and Dick is talking AND accepting responsibility, what is he thinking? We NEVER accept responsibility, we ALWAYS say it was someone else's fault, has Dickie gone insane?' It just went on and on."
President Bush publicly announced he is satisfied with Cheney's explanation of the shooting. However, privately, he was overheard raging, "Secrecy is what this job is about! Ah understand Brownie flapping his lips, he was always a big mouth, that's why ah fired him, but The Chain-ster? Ah could just cry, ah really could."
As of this point, there is no known medication for the individual suffering addiction to secrecy. A short-term option is getting the individual drunk and hoping they'll start to ramble.
Something strange is going on inside the White House - does the Weapons of Mass Euphoria Team have the cure, or are they the culprits? Check out the reports from deep inside the WME.
|
|
