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| You are sitting on: Home > Politics | October 11th |
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The Health Report: President Bush - Proof That Cloning is DangerousApr13 2006 by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo
Neurological specialists in Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease are convinced the President is showing symptoms, given the fact that in July 2003, when classified CIA information was "leaked" to a reporter, Bush insisted that he, personally, was going to find out who was responsible for that leak. "Whoops!" Bush was overheard saying recently. "That gosh darned leak came from ME! Who'da thunk?" While politicians rage over this new information, doctors are convinced there is something terribly wrong with the President, something way beyond the CIA uproar. "Look at the evidence, "says Dr. Philip Bowman, a prominent Beverly Hills psychiatrist who has not treated the President. "Each speech, he just keeps getting more and more confused, and every decision he makes is worse than the last one. Personally, I believe it is Alzheimer's. He wouldn't be the first President fumbling around in a delusional state." A demand has been made by the AMA for a thorough investigation into the President's health. In Washington this morning, Vice President Dick Cheney and the WME's Chief Resident Dr. Eudaimonia issued a shocking statement: They have been cloning George W. Bush. With each new President, there was only one problem - a slight drop in I.Q. "At first, it was not so bad," said Dr. Eudaimonia, "just little things, like dropping the dog and mangling the language. But then--" "Every time he screwed up, I'd have to take the cloned President out duck hunting and shoot him," Cheney stepped in. "That's how I wound up shooting poor old Harry! By that time, I'd shot so many clones of George, when I saw a person standing in the grass, it was automatic - shoot him! "Anyhow, each clone became more stubborn, and more stupid. The one we have now has an I.Q. of, oh, I don't want to reveal it. Let's just say that cloning is a bad idea, and leave it at that. Americans, George W. Bush is not responsible for ruining your country. Some things just shouldn't be cloned." Something strange is going on inside the White House - does the Weapons of Mass Euphoria Team have the cure, or are they the culprits? Check out the reports from deep inside the WME.
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