| |
Satirists Guild Investigates DeadBrain over Lesbian, Anal Sex Mandate
Dec 29 2003 by Allen Voivod
The International Satirists Guild today announced that it is investigating DeadBrain for backing off a recently declared lesbian and anal sex mandate.
"The circumstances are very suspicious," Guild President Douglass Ramssmullett said via telephone from his Oslo, Norway office. "You can't just promise to write about anal sex and lesbians and then not do it! The gay members are in a tizzy over this, not to mention the Kyrgyzstanians!"
DeadBrain spokesman Ben Bache told reporters, "We've received no complaints from the gay community, and are convinced that this is the fault of those anal-sex-loving Greeks we hired for a market study." No one at the Greek consulate was available for comment, as an Astroglide truck was backing into the consulate's loading dock.
Staff members at DeadBrain went into local gay and lesbian bars to proclaim their support for the homosexual lifestyle. "Sure, I could watch you make out all day," one intern told a number of lesbians gathered around him. "I've never admitted this, but I kind of enjoy going to the proctologist," another intern said.
DeadBrain also released the results of its Guild-mandated 2003 "Diversity, Schmiversity" report, which shows DeadBrain to be well within Guild parameters for representing at-risk minority groups. Quoting from the report, DeadBrain's staff includes the following:
"Four declared homosexuals; two declared African-Americans; three men presumed to be of Hispanic origin but who, under US law, exercised their right not to say so; five persons with a misplaced guanine tag on chromosome 12; one person with a lazy eye; two polydactyls; seven conjoined persons, two of which are midgets; and a man driven insane by a donkey's failed attempt to kick his face in after having its tail pulled."
|
|
