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| You are passing rapidly through: Home > Site News | July 25th |
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DeadBrain Writers Select Their Favorite Quotes From Year One Aug 4 2004 We asked our ten earliest and most frequent contributors to select one quote each that he or she felt was the funniest thing he or she had written for DeadBrain.com during its first year in operation. Their selections appear here, alphabetically by author. It was quite a trip down Memory Lane… "From his trench coat, Bush yanked out a long string of sausages. Bush held the sausages up against his lower abdomen, and arranged them like crosswise piping. 'Intestines?...colon?...Colin?....Colin Powell?..(Bush nodded.) You spoke-ah to Colin Powell?' asked Cheney." Jim Bauman, from Bush and Cheney Pose as Harpo and Chico Marx for 9/11 Commission Testimony "Kucinich and Carol Moseley Braun expressed satisfaction at having cut Dean down to size. 'It all about height, and he losing altitude fast,' said Moseley Braun, who stands 4'9" in her stocking feet. 'Twenty-six more debates and he be short enough to suck my kneecap.'" Ross Bender, from Howard Dean Emerges Two Inches Shorter After Debate "ML: Wait! Lopez. Mario Lopez. CD: Mario Lopez who? ML: You know, from "Saved by the Bell." CD: The Screech kid or the blond one? ML: The other guy. I was also on "The Other Half." CD: I don't watch the Oxygen Network." The Cosmic Detective, from The Ex-Files: Dorito Girl and the Guy Who's Not Danny or Dick "'Yup, Mr. Rumsfeld's bin here lotsa times,' said Abu Ghraib guard Cpl. Wes Hitkicker. 'He has a private interrogation room.' The Corporal also mentioned that Vice President Cheney reportedly suffered a near fatal heart attack while climbing the 'pile o' Ayrabs.'" Andy Grainger, from DeadBrain Uncovers a Juicy New Scandal in Iraq "President George W. Bush was presented with the Golden Scythe by the Grim Reaper…Showing what press materials called his characteristically mischievous sense of humor, the Grim Reaper said that Bush's efforts have earned him the title of 'Junior Harvester'." John Hetherington, from Grim Reaper Honors Bush with Golden Scythe "If [Rosie] O’Donnell is seeking a candidate to support, the Kerry note suggested that she contact Ralph Nader." Elliott McMillan, from Kerry Campaign Begs Rosie O'Donnell to Withhold Endorsement "Carrie's last thoughts are found on her blood-spattered laptop: 'I wondered, did this drably-attired mob have a point? Was the machinery of capitalism really oiled with the blood of the workers, and if so, do they at least get a box of orange juice and a little cookie afterwards?'" Ryan Moore, from "Sex and the City" Finale: Carrie and Friends Brutally Murdered in Proletariat Uprising "An Abyss spokesman declined to confirm whether the Bush RealDoll had been made with the 'optional anal entry' and 'one-size penis attachment' features." Allen Voivod, from Secret Service Employs Sex Doll to Train for Presidential Choking Event "'Logline?' I said. 'I'm no lumberjack, I'm a writer!'..." Lani Voivod, from Opportunity Knocks; Aspiring Screenwriting Team Chokes "Claude Claudeson, president of the Arkansas Association of Rednecks who Devour Vermin And Road Kill (AARDVARK) announced yesterday in a press conference that at least five cases of Mad 'Possum disease have been confirmed since March 21st." Phinneas Zoquo, from Arkansas’s Marsupial Industry Devastated by Mad 'Possum Epidemic
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