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The Erudite Editor Offers a Review of...The Acts of the Compassionates!
Oct 4 2004 by Allen Voivod
I'm no homophobe, but looking at naked emperors all the time is entirely unappealing. Displacement of these buffoons' actions into new settings often achieves two noble goals - clarity and humor - and keeps me from climbing up clock towers and mussing up my lovingly oiled automatic weapon collection.
Such is the case with the simultaneously amusing and damning The Acts of the Compassionates (Bayeux, 2004 - link to book at Amazon.com), a new book by a pseudonymous author. No, it's no one at DeadBrain - and I've violated several sections of the Geneva Convention in order to confirm that. But it fell into our hands, and being the ambitious work of satire it is, we felt it merited recognition for drawing deeper blood than any of John Kerry's war wounds.
Subtitled "The Millennial Testament, Book One," the book does certainly pull its framing influence from the Acts of the Apostles in that slightly more famous book, The Bible. But the influences of Greek mythology, Dante's Inferno, and pop culture also lustfully mingle like swingers at one of Justice Scalia's don't-ask-don't-tell orgies.
Though the cast of characters operates under pseudonyms themselves, the mystery author provides a handy cheat sheet for you, right up front. So armed, you follow along as the hapless Compassionates, numbering twelve like Jesus' apostles, attempt to do their leader Zeus' (read: George W. Bush's) jingoistic bidding.
Instead of being lost on his ranch in Crawford, however, this impotent leader is thought to be on a "mission to Mars," in search of dragons. Compelled by visions and prophecies, Richard the Unabashed (Cheney) and Don Carlos Borracha (Rumsfeld) then convince the rest of the Compassionates and the Kikbutzin (American) people to conquer the evil Kizhands (Iraqis) and their despicable King Subman (Saddam Hussein).
The pleasures of this novel come from the absurd situations, the baroque language and the passing shots at everything from gay marriage to wardrobe malfunctions. How the author manages to hit so many topics, on so many cylinders, in a scant 164 pages, makes this fake news editor weeps with fraternal pride.
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