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| You just fell over: Home > Sport | December 5th |
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Boston Red Sox to Form Repertory TroupeJul 25 2004 by James Engel
"Fop, indeed," Mark Bellhorn thought to himself. "How I have always wanted to act in a Restoration Comedy. Who wouldn't kill to play Jaspar Fidget in The Country Wife? It'd be fantastic." And thus, The Red Sox Repertory Company was born. The plan: a four play season, with rotating casts, emphasizing the classics. Portly Designated Hitter David Ortiz was immediately on board. "I've always wanted to tackle Falstaff, and here's my chance." Center fielder Johnny Damon was equally enthused. "Look at this beard I've grown! Can you say Lion in Winter?" Bellhorn has appointed himself the troupe's artistic director. He claims that the company will also serve as an acting conservatory, and offer the players rigorous training in Stanislavsky, Mask and Mime. Non-Bosox are encouraged to audition as well. "Think of the possibilities!" exclaimed knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. "With his classical good looks, Randy Johnson would make a perfect Stanley Kowalski. And how about cuddly coach Don Zimmer as the Grandpa in You Can't Take It With You?" What about retired players? "I for one would pay top dollar to see Pete Rose as Willy Loman," said shortstop Nomar Garciaparra, who went on to quote his favorite line: "I got nothing in the ground, Linda, nothing." Bellhorn announced that the first production of the season will be Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple," which will cleverly pit Derek Jeter as fussy Felix against Barry Bonds as the curmudgeonly Oscar. And, according to Bellhorn, this is just the beginning. "I plan to open the casting to include the other major sports. And to branch out into musicals. My dream: Scottie Pippen in Pippin." The Red Sox Rep apparently has some "Magic to Do."
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