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Tiger Woods Says He's Retiring
Four-time Masters winner Tiger Woods, distraught at watching two former champions' careers end in tears and shame, said he will retire at the end of this year.
Woods said seeing golf icon Jack Nicklaus crying as his Masters career ended, and former champ Billy Casper shooting 106 for 18 holes he once dominated "gives me a glimpse of my own future and my own mortality, and it's not pretty."
"No way I want to end up like a couple old hacks, like Nicklaus and Casper did. Jack's tears, I can sort of see that. But I don't want to be doing that in 30 or 40 years.
"As for Casper, his 106 was an embarrassment to the game of golf. There's no other way to say it. I don't care if he's 73 or 100. There's no way I'd stick around to shoot 106. And him not turning in his scorecard so the 106 won't 'count' - that's horse [expletive deleted]."
Woods said he'd contemplated retirement before, but his plan crystallized while playing the 2005 Masters.
"Hey, I'm 29 and I've got more millions than I can count, I have a smoking-hot, blonde Swedish wife. We can hang out in Florida, or wherever we want, and make babies," Woods explained. "That's way more appealing than dealing with a bunch of glad-handing corporate sponsors.
"Besides, winning gets boring and that green jacket you get for winning the Masters is really ugly," Woods added. "I'm just taking a page from my idol, Jim Brown, the great running back. He walked away at 29, too. Plus, Nike and the Masters will survive just fine without me."
Woods admitted that his comments were in sharp contrast to his usual bland mumbo-jumbo he dishes out during press conferences.
"Guess I have Jack and Billy to thank for that. Watching them was just too much to bear. It gave me a sense of freedom. Best part is, I won't have to lift a finger for the rest of my life, and I'll still be richer than just about anyone this side of Bill Gates."
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